Monday, November 21, 2011

Five Years Ago...

Five years ago today I found out I was pregnant with Preston.

Life had been crazy and busy and I hadn't even realized that I was "late" until I realized it. I remember sitting on mine and Brad's bed in our room counting out the weeks in my planner. And then counting them out again. And again. Continually coming to the same number. Six. Six weeks since my last period.

Finally after a mental freak out, I got up and headed into the kitchen where Brad was.

I still remember walking in there like it was yesterday. Telling him I needed to tell him something. And then just standing there.

It took me a few minutes and he probably thought I was losing my mind. Until finally I was able to say, "I'm late."

And then I started balling.

That would be the first of many times that I would just randomly start crying over the next few days, oh who are we kidding let's be honest it was the first time over the next few months. I was a complete mess of hormones.

I decided that having Brad with me wasn't enough. I kept crying and he had no idea what to do. He got it but he didn't. Plus he was still taking it all in just like I was. So I called my best friend at the time and told her I needed her and she rushed over.

Honestly as awesome as it was that Brad was there for me that night I don't know what I would have done without Jenaye. I was a mess of emotions and she seemed to get it the way that only girlfriends do. She seemed to get that when I was crying it wasn't because I needed her to fix why I was crying but rather that I was crying because I was just incredibly emotional and needed to cry. She was just a completely calming presence that night for both me and Brad.

She came with me and we ran down to Fred Meyer to buy a pregnancy test. And she asked where they were when we couldn't find them. Who knew they were in the pharmacy department?

Then they both waited outside the bathroom door while I took the test that would change our lives forever.

Only that one really didn't.

I peed on the stick and the results were so faint that we were confused about what the damn thing was trying to tell us.

So Jenaye came with me again when we ran down to Walgreens (there was no way I was going back to Fred Meyer, if that makes any sense) to buy another pregnancy test. This time we bought a multi-pack just in case. I'm not sure what we were thinking buying just one at Fred Meyer.

We got back to the house and this time I really did take the test that would change our lives.

Only it wasn't that simple.

The lines came up faint again. So faint that none of us were really sure what they meant.

Positive? Negative?

I ended up calling the 800 number on the instructions to get a clear answer. Thinking about it now it was the silliest question, but we didn't know if very faint lines counted as lines or not.

In case you are wondering they do. Any sort of lines that make a plus sign, faint or dark, count as a positive.

A positive. As in yes, we were going to have a baby.

So the three of us sat on mine and Brad's bed alternating between silence, laughter, and me crying here and there just for good mix. Explaining what I was feeling at that moment is nearly impossible. I was terrified. Shocked. Awestruck.

Even as strange as it feels to type that the three of us sat there realizing how everything was about to change, I look back on it now and wouldn't change a single thing. Because that was how it was, the three of us. Me, the father of my child, and my best friend.

All of us processing what this surprise meant.

Because that is exactly what Preston was...a surprise.

The best surprise that ever happened to me.

Five years ago tonight a positive pregnancy test changed mine and Brad's lives forever. And in the very best way.

No comments: