Those are the best words to describe how I spent part of my weekend. Calm. And yet freaking out.
See here's the thing. You may have noticed it in my blog. But I have a little bit of a flare for the dramatics. Not just in my blog, but in my life too. I know, it's so surprising!
Why was I freaking out. Calmly, I mean. Saturday morning I'd noticed a small lump above my right breast. It was small but it was big enough that I noticed that it didn't belong.
At first I really was in fact calm. I figured it would be nothing. But then I started to think that maybe it was something. We've been pretty lucky health wise so maybe our time was due?
Since we were going to be spending that afternoon at my MIL's house I figured I ask her about it, she might have an idea being a a nurse and all. After she'd felt me up a little, nothing like getting to know your MIL on another level!, she told me I should get it checked out. I freaked out, in my head of course. I couldn't have everyone thinking I was crazy. But my MIL is one of those "Don't go to the Dr for anything" kind of people so her telling me to go to the Dr sent me into a little bit of a panic. I mean I'm sure she really meant that I should go to the Dr just in case it was something, but either way I started to really freak out.
Next I talked to my Mom about it while I was over there Sunday night. My Mom is known for her medical freak outs so I figured she would really overreact. She didn't. She was pretty rational in fact. I mean here I am her oldest daughter and I'm probably dying and she's calmly telling me to just see a Dr and have them take a peek. She didn't even bust out the computer to do a little online diagnosing. I was shocked!
For the record, my Mom tries to self diagnose everything with the Internet. And it drives me crazy! The Internet will tell you that you are dying of a stomach ache for crying out loud. But here I am with a lump in my breast and my Mom isn't even trying to self diagnose with her online degree!
I spent Sunday thinking about it in a near freak out. One that happens outside my thoughts that is. I watch Grey's Anatomy and Mercy people. And people die all the time in those shows. And it happens suddenly. I was certain that in deciding to wait to see a Dr until Monday I was most definitely signing my death certificate! Who spends the weekend knowing that they have cancer and doing nothing about it? Because I knew that it was cancer! After all what else could it have possibly been?
As soon as my Dr's office opened I called Monday morning. They fit me into a mid morning appointment and I was set. I left work and headed off for my official diagnoses.
The Dr came in, felt me up, and announced that she wanted me to have an ultrasound. She thought that it was more likely a cyst. I cannot even tell you the relief that I felt when she said cyst instead of cancer. I'd spent the whole weekend coping with what I'd already decided what most definitely cancer and keeping it to myself to keep everyone from thinking that I was just plain crazy.
Back to work for a couple of hours and then off to another Dr appointment. Let me tell you it was a really productive work day for me between freaking out and leaving for Dr appointments.
At the ultrasound I got checked out by an ultrasound tech. Let me tell you those machines are a whole lot more fun when your checking on the baby growing inside you versus the possible cyst/cancer in your breast.
She called the radiologist in and had him take a look. In case your wondering that's now my MIL, my Mom, my Dr, the ultrasound tech, and the radiologist who have felt me up. Good times. Not including the fact that I obsessed over it all weekend (my hand was practically attached to my chest) and I had Brad telling me if it felt bigger or smaller. How about now Brad? I was like a broken record.
Guess what? They found NOTHING! Nothing at all. No cancer. Not even a cyst. The radiologist said that it just looks like normal breast tissue. That it's possible that something shifted and part of what I'm feeling is my rib. But mostly that it's probably just my age. Apparently you don't stop developing breast wise until your 30?! Who knew! He felt that giving me a mammogram put me at more risk for cancer and it really wasn't worth the risk for something so small that appeared to simply be breast tissue. He did say a big factor was my age. I'm really in such a small risk group for cancer that he just can't see a reason for increasing my risk when it really appears to be NOTHING! He asked me to watch it for a month and stay in contact with my Dr and if it changes at all or gets bigger to come back in. But at this point my best option is to just wait. More than likely though he says it really is just NOTHING! NOTHING at all!
So let's just set this straight in case you've gotten lost...in three days I went from cancer to a cyst to NOTHING! And in the process I got felt up by my husband, my Mother, my MIL, a Dr, an ultrasound tech, an ultrasound machine, and a radiologist. Good times. Sometimes this imagination of mine really is a little obnoxious.